When I negotiate, I come across a fair bit of deceptive behaviors. It made me wonder if we were all lying or cheating when negotiating. I did some research and realized that we all do. Those who deny this are liars!:-) There are no saints or sinners. We’ve done it and here’s why:
Everyday people cheat and lie to strangers, friends, colleagues, clients and loved ones. It is just human nature. We have the ability to cooperate but also manipulate. Such ability developed after mankind’s use of language with the objective of gaining an advantage in the competition for resources and mates without using physical force. Well, you know what? Times have changed, but we are still programmed the same way.
The lure of power, money, and benefits, as well as the need to protect our interests, lead us to lie by commission (by misrepresenting reality) or by omission (by hiding the truth).
People who want to access power tend to be more deceptive. Their motive, generally, is that they want to sound more likable or make an impression. This may be the reason for a majority of people inflate their resume, hoping to get a job and reach a certain position. Interestingly, most people consider themselves ethical. If they use deceptive tactics, they find a good explanation for their decision such as a necessity to defend themselves, or to reciprocate the deceptive tactics of the other party, who started it first, of course.
Research shows that we would be lying 1 or 2 times a day on average. For some, lying at negotiation is a legitimate strategy. In 2018, the New Yorker noted that Donald Trump was lying on average 16 times a day…
Because so many negotiators see negotiation as a winning exercise, it’s also not surprising that deceptive tactics are common in negotiation. Someone with the win-lose mentality, who views negotiation as competition, will be more likely to use deceptive tactics. Those who view negotiation in terms of cooperation won’t feel the need to employ these devices as often.
There will always be a conflict in us between gaining an advantage and seeing ourselves as honest and accepted by the community. But here it the thing: honesty pays off better overall. Honest people are more successful at doing business in the long run. What you obtain through deception will rests on unsecured foundations. As Francois de Callieres, French Diplomat, said "A lie will always leave a drop of poison behind”. You may lose future opportunities (sometimes without you even realize) or a reputation.
