Anger is very much present in negotiation and often gets in the way of successful outcomes.
We all experience anger when negotiating. It may come gradually or suddenly. Our blood pressure increases. Our body temperature rises and our face reddens.
Some negotiators use anger as a negotiation tactic. They show cold or hot anger from the start or change their mood along the way to force a counterpart to give in to something. If that anger is faked or exaggerated, the deception is obvious.
Some negotiators just don’t have the ability to cope with their own anger. It could just erupt every time they are triggered. And some can be very good at pushing other people’s buttons or testing their boundaries.
Another category of negotiators think they can afford expressing their anger because they hold power and are feared. Rather than just being firm and respectful, they prefer to display an aggressive demeanor. They think they have little to lose considering their position. Whatever power you wield, your negative emotions should always be under control, because you’ll never know how the future unfolds. Winds can change direction. Being seen as difficult can close doors of opportunities without you even noticing.
It is true that anger is an emotion that can quickly change people’s behavior, but it is also the most dangerous of all emotions. The reason is that anger can lead to conflict escalation (when facing an aggressive behavior, it is hard not to react in kind), verbal and physical abuse (the intention shifts to harming the counterpart), and also information leaks (you lose control of your words). Anger can easily get things out of hand and create irreparable damage.
It is normal to feel angry when we have been treated unfairly, but this negative energy should be channeled for something more productive. It could be turned into a motivative force rather than a destructive one. One will get more satisfaction being patient and overcoming unjustified treatment than lashing out.
People often get angry for the wrong reasons. It is interesting that anger was originally a natural response to protect our life or our loved ones. Now it is often a way to protect the ego (our self-image and how people perceive us). For instance, people will hate losing face and may overreact.
Anger is also often projected at the wrong people, because you might have had a bad day or you could be irritable from fatigue or stress. Someone could innocently trigger your wrath for the wrong reason. Self-awareness is key for a negotiator in order to notice your anger rising before it becomes an act of passive or active aggression (there is always space between the stimuli and the response). The ability to control your anger and identify its cause can spare you serious problems. A Chinese proverb says: “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow”.
Why would you come to negotiation at your worst state rather than your best? Influence is gained by subtly making people like you and finally trust you, so you can sway their decisions with your ideas. Anger puts people on the defensive and is counter-productive. If you think you can afford showing your temper, bear in mind that people you have offended can become your worst enemies laying low and waiting for the first opportunity to take revenge…
